Friends and expectations

 I'm going to give it to you straight, I just ended a friendship with a friend who I was friends with for the past few years. So I am a bit bitter and angry at myself for not managing to keep it alive and that may come across in my writing. Now just for the sake of this post let's call this individual LT. LT is a slightly older friend of mine who I met playing Minecraft a while back, we bonded over certain common interests and we gradually went on to talk more and more. It was a great friendship strictly speaking, we were two intellectuals conversing about a variety of topics, his views were purely logical and often a fresh perspective to me. I enjoyed talking with him and he in turned encouraged me to keep up with my passion. It might be of interest to the reader that I was inspired by his blogs to actually start a blog up again. His role as early editor for my fledgling book Old Memories, New Beginnings(That title was created by him). He helped me out unconditionally and asserted very high importance to our friendship. We were pretty tight and we even had D&D games together. Unfortunately it took a sour turn once the COVID-19 pandemic started. Perhaps the signs started showing before, but I was too careless to notice. 

Now before I continue, it is critical and I mean absolutely critical to understand that I solely blame myself for the loss of this friendship. I was aloof, careless and blatantly ignorant sometimes, perhaps I can justify myself in this post or perhaps not. It is up to the reader to judge. Now for the sake of absolute clarity I must tell the reader that LT asserted a very high importance to his friends and he expected the same in return. A suitable example would be if he scheduled a certain even a couple of days ahead and if I didn't make it he would often be bitter but in spite of his feelings he would maintain a calm demeanour and usually be flexible. I didn't realise how much these events meant to him and I should have, in retrospect done so. LT develops a fierce interest in topics that he is interested in and over the past year or so he has almost religiously followed up on the release information for Hytale. He figured that I would share his interest in the subject, but I didn't and I should have let him know this.  However yet again in a bizzare show of my aloof nature I didn't think of the matter. Somewhere along the line of this year I got very busy, with 11th grade in India being like it is and daily classes from Cram school I started having less and less free time. Unknowingly I steadily started to drift away from LT except for our occasional conversations which didn't have that previous liveliness. I'm not saying that I didn't have time for talking with my friends because that would be a lie. I simply started to see our conversations like a chore, and in due time we barely talked. LT still took up the initiative to talk to me but my replies where short and indecisive. And eventually this culminated in us breaking off the friendship.

Bear in mind this post cannot possibly explore our friendship into as much detail as I want it to be. This post shows me in a bad light, and I was slightly afraid of showing myself, but in the interest of my integrity I'm going ahead with it. Perhaps I took our friendship for granted and that was wrong of me. I will say this however my friendship with LT was not out of my dislike for him or anything of the sort, I just sort of failed to identify with him at some point but I still wanted to keep our friendship alive.

In conclusion the loss of this friendship has left me feeling sad, but in a strange sense of the word relieved, perhaps we were incompatible as friends. However it may be I have learnt much from it and I will strive to be better at this stuff.

Au Revoir

Aby