Ghosting

First off let's address the elephant in the room, where was I all these days? Did I die? Have I finally succumbed to my sociopathic tendencies?

De nada, fact is that 12th grade happened to me. 12th grade is hectic to say the least, you're just running around putting out one fire after another. All the work does however have some effect of taking your mind off of your problems, well up until you realise that all your problems are being caused by said work.

It's ironic that I choose to write about the oh-so-wonderful topic that is ghosting, after ghosting my blog for a while now. I sincerely offer my apologies to everyone who looked forward to my next post like a son waiting for their dad to return with that carton of milk. 

Well son I'm back! It took me a while because, uhhh the store was on fire but regardless I'm back!

Now that we addressed that, let's move on to the actual topic on hand. Ghosting(oooooooooo spooky).

We'll have to examine the very definition of ghosting first to get an understanding of what it entitles.

According to the Oxford dictionary, ghosting is defined as "the appearance of a ghost or secondary image on a telev..." wait uh, woops, wrong definition. It is actually "the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication."

In simpler words, it means that a person stops having conversations with a friend, relative or some other person who they used to have a consistent rapport with.

Now you have to understand that this term has come into much more prominence as of late because of how easy it is to ghost nowadays, thanks to... say it with me now! S-O-C-I-A-L  M-E-D-I-A. You know it! You love it! Social Media!

Let me explain with an example,

Two friends Bill and Chuck are pretty tight, they talk every day at length and are thick as thieves. Now Bill one day finds out something particularly unsavoury about Chuck(Just let your imagination fill in the blanks, a foot fungus if you will). Now standard friend etiquette dictates that you must bring up the specific problem with the friend and try to come to a meaningful resolution, however ole' Bill doesn't want to do that. and he doesn't feel that old connection with him, so he decides to stop talking to him in the hopes that Chuck will do the same and they forget about each other and "drift away".

Now this next bit will need some more imagination, I want you to imagine Bill and Chuck in two different time periods, the 1870s and modern day, ie 2021.

Picture the 1870s in that noggin of yours. Tumbleweeds rolling around for no reason, it was  a heck of a time for outlaws and gangs. You walk into a quaint old town, a dusty saloon with a creaking door invites you in with the scent of some sarsaparilla and you take a seat. Then you see Bill and Chuck to your right. Bill seems uninterested in the conversation about (something incredibly boring). Now Bill has already decided to ghost Chuck, but how does he do it? He could get up and just leave but that would no doubt just raise some eyebrows and make his intelligence questionable to say the least. 

Okay, well then he goes back home after a tiring drink with Chuck and just decides to avoid him then? It's a small town however, so everyone knows each other and you most certainly can't walk past Chuck like you don't know him since that would most likely just get you locked up in the mental asylum(Which in the 1870s wasn't very pleasant, let me add). So what's your last resort? Get out of dodge of course! You get all of your meagre belongings out and ride out to where the winds take you! Seems like a lot of effort to just stop a friendship though eh? Not to mention you'd probably get robbed and murdered by outlaws in a matter of minutes(hey it was called the wild west for a reason).

Now let's come back to present day

You don't need to picture squat here, it's happening as we speak! 

Now then how would Bill stop a conversation with Chuck today? Elementary my dear Watson. You'd just have to stop texting said person, an nice extra touch would be to not look at their messages either as that would give them a message receipt conveying to them that you can't be bothered to reply to their texts, which won't be doing you any favours. Now you might still say that, "Hey, what if the person, is near me or is someone I'm forced to see on a daily basis. Luckily for you my intrepid friend, inter-personal relationships in the 21st century die faster than a fly dies. So you can hope with a good deal of certainty that they'll stop trying in a couple of days. You can consider it as the equivalent of turning the lights off in your house and hoping that the carolers don't come by.

My point being that it's ridiculously easily to ghost people nowadays hence it being much more of an occurrence now.

Now we have to understand the psyche of your average person who ghosts another person. Why would a person want to ghost someone, they must be some serious douche to want to do that. However it isn't quite that easy, relationships are some of the most complex stuff around and its an enigma sometimes but the key to understanding what little we do is through a quality known as empathy. Empathy is the ability to put yourself in the position of another person and try to understand their point of view.

I have been ghosted and I have ghosted, and I'd say most of us have the same to say with how rampant ghosting is. A person who ghosts may have selfish reasons to do so, and in those situations ghosting can be considered a "kill switch" to stop a relationship from turning toxic. It will still be difficult to deal with but it may have also saved you from a lot of pain in the future. But more often than not the person who ghosts is usually in a lot of pain themselves. We never know what they're going through and chances are that the whole reason they are ghosting you, is in the fear that they will harm you. Sometimes the person may not be finding it as easy to talk as they used to and resort to ghosting because they're afraid of what admitting it could do to the relationship.

To all those people who ghost others, I'd say "Look I know that it's difficult to admit or talk openly about this stuff and that you're afraid of what this would cause potentially, but you have to understand that ghosting won't do anyone any favours. Talk with the friend instead, try to convey your difficulties with them, tell them you need a break for a while, any sign at all that you do care about that relationship. That it IS meaningful to you."

The reason I say all of this, is that as aforementioned I've been ghosted. I know what its like to see a wall of text on your side and a deafening silence on the other end, I'm all too familiar with that pain you feel, when you realise what's happening. I went through something like this with a friend recently he/she wasn't around for a long time. I never stopped texting though, even if it was just a "Mornin!". I did it every now and then, just to let him/her know that I was there to help if they ever felt some difficulty. We always fail to see people as human beings when we need to, the most.

Then there is the whole dealing with ghosting in romantic relationships which I'm thankful I'm not involved so far in so I'll reserve my opinion for now regarding that matter.

Toodles!

Aby

 

PS: Also here's a new theme that will burn your eyes at night! Enjoy ;p