Losing Someone

There aren't many things as painful or as terrifying as our mortality and indeed the mortality of all that lives.

It's strange how we know that death is something that is inevitable and yet some part of us wishes that it wasn't so, it wishes that all that blooms wouldn't wilt one day as impossible as it might be. It is this part of our conscious mind, that grieves and mourns in the wake of the death of a loved one.

Many of us have or will try to suppress this emotion and instead try to ignore this sensation- of grief and hollowness, we'll try to maintain that we're logical and that we knew this would happen someday, perhaps that's our ego trying to shield us from the inevitable pain or perhaps it is our subconscious knowingly try to avoid something painful. And yet we must face this grief, as terrifying as it is and as hopeless as it seems, for our loved ones we must accept the finality of death.

I am fortunate enough to not have any close family members or friends pass away and therefore it isn't always easy for me to empathize with someone who has lost someone close to them. And yet I have seen people in their grief over losing someone, my mother when she lost her father, my father when he lost his brother. They shielded us from their grief trying to maintain a facade of normalcy and yet something was amiss. Grief cannot and should not be ignored. You aren't built to be efficient and logical, you're built to be emotional and human.

Even as I sit here typing, the thought of losing someone gives me no vivid image, not of a coffin and not of heaven or hell perhaps something is wrong with me and yet I feel like that must be what death feels like. As painful as our suffering might be in life, death must come as a white expanse of nothingness, bliss for the pained and freedom for the constrained.

Grief is an emotion, it does not follow logic nor does it try to be rational. It can lead to profound effects on the psyche and may result in the extremely harmful thought process of self loathing. "It was because I wasn't there for them", "It was because I failed to care", "It was because I failed to understand", these are common lines of thoughts after the loss of a loved one and yet it isn't true always. 

Some may in fact have had a part to play in the death of their loved ones and that requires introspection indeed, but the fact is that most people are projecting their sadness and sorrow inwards, they can't think clearly.

It is vital for a person to be surrounded by their loved ones after a death and it is even more vital for those who surround a grieving person to be sensitive to their thoughts. Do not expect them to return to "normal" at all, it is wonderful if they do but often a death is life-changing for those who remain and it may change them. 

The loss of someone need not mean that of a fellow human being, it can be anyone or anything you love. Love is transcendent, it is not chained to anything and envelopes all, and so is its counter-part grief.

For anyone who has just lost a loved one, I say this, it is difficult right now and indeed it feels impossible to cope with this feeling and yet you must strive for them, live for the one you lost and embrace life for all it's worth. Don't let your life be ruled by your grief but by the memories that you cherish the most.

In memoriam Kiro